- May I tell you a story? – Please.

For generations, men of my family have been rabbis. In Israel, before that in Europe. It was to be my calling. I was quite a prodigy. The pride of my yeshiva. The elders said I had a 40 year-old’s understanding of the midrash by the time I was 12. But by the time I was I knew I could never be a rabbi.

Why not?

Because for all I understood of the Talmud,

I never saw God there.

Before I get a bunch of wise-ass emails, please note that I’ve capitalized the phrase in the title above because it’s a title.

Examples

Best wishes and happy holidays to you and your family.

Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, and happy holidays to all of our colleagues.

Happy holidays, and to all a good night.

I’m a quality web designer and I offer a great service at an affordable price. When I scan posts on craigslist looking for leads, here are some things I avoid:

– “My budget is very small, but if you do good work there will be more work to come.” I think people have good intentions when they write this, but more often that not it’s not true.

– “Here is a five page summary of my project…” Once we’ve established that you have a project, there’s no substitute for a phone call or an in person meeting. Not only can I offer fresh perspective on how to achieve your goals, but I can get a better idea of what you really need.

– “I need top-quality work, cutting edge programming, and specialty graphics, but I don’t have much money.” Like any other business, these things cost money. If you don’t have the budget, you should be asking for alternative suggestions from your designer.

– “Most of you web designers are a joke, and I could do your job myself.” This is pretty self-explanatory. Why would I want to work for this person, and why are they posting in the first place?

– “This would be a great job for someone looking to build their portfolio!” Your web site is one of the few outlets you will use to present your company to the public and you get what you pay for. I don’t advise you cut corners on business cards, television commercials, or your web site. Just my opinion.

I run a lot of web sites and publish personal opinions and findings on many of them to generate content for the users. I use the traffic these sites generate as a platform for advertising and online product sales. The problem? From time to time I have published negative comments about other companies and individuals. While these statements are always my personal opinion and therefore not libelous, I’ve been threatened with legal action on more than one occasion.

Fortunately, this is a pretty rare occurrence and my usual method in dealing with it is to avoid the hassle of litigation by altering blog posts or printing retractions. But this is really starting to bug me. How many other people are getting pushed around by lawyers simply because it’s easier and cheaper to comply than to fight?

Here’s what I think I’m going to start doing. I’m a pretty upstanding person and am comfortable admitting my mistakes and apologizing for them. If I get a polite email from someone with an honest complaint, I’m going to recognize their problem and try to help them.

If I get a blanket threat of legal action where I don’t think I’m in the wrong I’m going to do nothing. I’m not going to print retractions, and I’m not going to apologize. As soon as I get a threat for legal action, I will cease communication with the individual and do nothing to satisfy their requests. I’m not going to respond to emails (they always come via email) in a positive or negative way. I’m going to sit in my office and wait for a summons. When that comes, I’ll deal with the issue either by defending myself or getting a lawyer to help me. A counter suit might be a good idea as well.

Who’s with me?

Brace yourself.

Please start using more glue in your fridgepack packaging. It’s not a convenience if the front rips open and the cans roll out one by one when I go to open the package.

That is all.

“There is hardly anything in the world that someone cannot make a little worse and sell a little cheaper, and the people who consider price alone are that person’s lawful prey. It is unwise to pay too much, but it is also unwise to pay too little. When you pay too much, you lose a little money, that is all. When you pay too little, you sometimes lose everything because the thing you bought is incapable of doing the thing you bought it to do. The common law of business balance prohibits paying a little and getting a lot… It can’t be done. If you deal with the lowest bidder it is well to add something for the risk you run. And if you do that you will have enough to pay for something better.”